I would like to post
here some big tips from Henrik Edberg to improve our conversation that I
happened to find from his blog. I think that we, Vietnamese in particular,
usually miss these points since we were not taught at school or very little at
home (at least it is my case) . I hope these tips are as useful for you as they
are for me in rare occasions such as taking Speaking English tests or going
to interviews.
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Words are only 7
percent of your conversation. The rest is your voice tonality (38 percent)
and your body language at 55 percent. That’s according to research done by Albert
Mehrabian, currently Professor Emeritus in psychology at UCLA. These numbers
may vary depending upon the situation and what is communicated (for instance,
talking over the phone is obviously different from talking face to face) but
body language is a very important part of communication
Improving
your body language can make a big difference in your people skills,
attractiveness and general mood.
There
is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be
interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking
to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to
your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These
are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways
to communicate with your body.
First,
to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice
how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while
talking to someone.
You
might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no
one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other
people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the
world.
Another
tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel
confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself
move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You
might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you
think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and
pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.
Some
of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you
make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work
backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up
straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your
movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new
behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the
beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your
legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the
time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are
worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor
yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1.
Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard
you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded.
This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2.
Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people
you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better
connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might
creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you
are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the
beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3.
Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example
sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that
you are comfortable in your own skin.
4.
Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as
tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax.
Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5. Nod
when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are
listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker...
ميبرند. بنابراين مشکلات تلفظي که شما از آن رنج ميبريد احتمالاً مشابه مشکلاتي است که ديگر زبانآموزان «هم زبان» شما هم با آن مواجه هستند 
